My copy for the newspaper was fine but my fictional stories sounded flat. Why?
A man first visit to Worcester went wrong from start to finish and ended with him being arrested. The day began when JS and his girlfriend were dropped off at the wrong church and got lost on their way to
Get the gist? That telling you what happened and that way is no good for a story.
For fiction you need to show JS and his girl being dropped off. Picture Trouwjurk Lange Mouw it. Their taxi stops, mouwloos avondjurken they get out, the churchyard looks deserted
John held open the door of the taxi for Clare to get out. The breeze rustled her flimsy pink dress. She dipped her head, clutching her hat so that it wouldn be blown away. He smiled. He never seen her in a hat before.
That showing. It shows us John, already out of the vehicle. We see him holding the door open for his girlfriend. We are shown what Clare is wearing. We see the wind rustling the skirt of her dress. We are shown exactly how Clare gets out, by Feest Jurken dipping her head so that her hat doesn fall off. Shown John smile as he takes in her new outfit.
Showing is all about painting pictures with words. Adding detail, like the breeze. Getting inside the character. No-one told us that John cares for Clare. That too has been shown by his actions.
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